my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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