mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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