jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
