chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
