there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
