You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
