By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
