Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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