Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
