If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is Oprah even human
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize