He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
