I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
