I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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