3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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