So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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