Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bring money and cleavage
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
