She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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