His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
