hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize