Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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