My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
