oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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