i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize