im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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