Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize