We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
