i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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