We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
