He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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