he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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