Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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