$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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