It's like God shit irony all over that family
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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