i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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