He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize