Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize