Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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