please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
