I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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