I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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