Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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