You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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