so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
