happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
