I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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