maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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