Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
