I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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