Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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