The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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