she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
