There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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