I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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