I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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