You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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