How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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