i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
