Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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