I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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