Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
