I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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