Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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