I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize