i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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