she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
