you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
