I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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