went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
