your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize