i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
