She is in my trunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love accidental penises.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
