Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
