I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
