HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
