South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
