The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
