My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
