I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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