Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
