i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
