oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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