worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize