it was like his penis was on wheels.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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